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Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Passionate Madhouse

Bowman Gray Stadium. Cars up on the rails/wall, whole field pile ups, fighting in the infield at the start/finish line, cautions breeding cautions and more cautions. GWC's, drivers showing up in the bleachers/stands, the unmistakable roar of Saturday night racing. A passionate crowd that is often louder than the cars on the track. Quarter mile chaos - enough said! WILD!!! FUN!!! Can't wait to go again!

I wrote the above a whopping ten months ago. I had titled the blog as, "They Don't Call It "The Madhouse" For Nothing!" I'm not sure what else I wanted to add to it or why it has been sitting in my drafts all this time...but I can say over the course of the last year my love for more types of racing than I had been able to experience in my limited scope has grown by leaps and bounds. But more than just that, I have been on a journey to discover myself. I had not just lost myself, I lost the path to unlock the door to where my true passions were hiding. Passions that make up who I am, that give me a thirst for life, love and fun! Let's face it, without all three of those we would lose hope quickly! 

I have always had a passion for God, for my faith, for my relationship with my Savior. Has this passion ebbed and flowed? Of course, that's why I have always liked the description that "we are ever becoming Christian." There is always room for improvement, always room to grow. Conversely, there are always setbacks, stumbles and roadblocks. I believe it is how we overcome those that help shape our personal faith and mold our character, personality and ultimately our soul. This passion I have clung to through all my trials. That is not to say that I haven't screamed out "why" and "God take this" or even "where are You?"...I would be lying if I said I had an unshakable faith. I have been shaken. However, as my head and my heart battle I remind myself over and over that God will never leave me, that He will turn every bad to good for those who love Him and most of all that He is my only true shelter. Sometimes I have to remind myself a LOT of times! At the end of the day, I'll never question my passion for God and I am so blessed and grateful to have Him in my corner.

I don't have a lot of memories from my childhood. I have been blessed with a poor memory and I trust there's good reason for that but one of my earliest memories I have is of Road America. My dad took me there when I was 4 or 5, at least that's what I remember, it's possible we went more often, I should ask him! Ha! But I remember being fascinated with fast cars from an early age. I don't remember telling a lot of people about it, maybe because I didn't grow up going to racing events often. Our weekends and free time in the summer was spent out on Lake Michigan, catching supper! I love to fish, that's in my blood. But I have a passion for racing, all forms, there is this explainable peace that comes when the engines roar and I can feel the rumble in my chest. I cannot help but smile when I close my eyes and inhale the scent of octane and race tires. If I could, I would spend every weekend at a racetrack. One definition of passion is "any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling"...ask any die hard racing fan if this is an accurate description of their love of racing. You will see big smiles and resounding "Oh yeahs!" for certain. 

I have passion for my kids, they are the center of my world right now and will always come first when it comes down to needs. I have a passion for my family, blood is thicker than water, right? Right! I have a passion for my friends, I would do anything in my power to help them, any time, any place, no questions. I have passion for singing, writing, summertime and sunshine. These are not your simple everyday favorites or priorities, they are powerful loves that I am compelled to pour my heart and soul into experiencing and having in my life. They all have upsides and downsides. They all have the potential to bring heartache, fear and tragedy into my world. Does that change my passion for them? Never! My passions may make my life its own 'madhouse' but I am learning that I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Life is too short to live with regrets, there are only lessons learned and memories. Live happy, share love, find your passion and find a way to fill everyday with a piece of it!


  1. very well written niki. absoulutly beautiful with true meanin :)

    1. Thank you Jimmy!! I am just being me, I am honored that you could feel the meaning in my words. :o)