Six weeks.
I will have six weeks to fill with non-momma time. That's a LONG time to go without hugs, kisses, laughs and all the joy, laughter and love that fills my days now. Okay, if I'm brutally honest the reality is that my days are also filled with frustration, headaches and patience killing moments. But those happy moments make every challenge worth it and are the reason I smile when I think about my children.
My kids know that I won't put up with negative thinking or overloads of complaints. We look for the positive spin in everything, it's not a rugged obstacle it's an adventure. Sure we have moments when we do have to vent to each other but then we help each other find the silver lining. Right now, the silver lining of their impending visit to another state some 800+ miles away, without me, is looking more grey than shiny and sparkly.
So my challenge the next 8 days is to reinforce what they already have come to expect from me, I have to help them see the positive! They are going on vacation, to a state that they have spent little time in so there is much to be explored! They are going to get to spend time with family they have rarely seen over the past nine years, my son will meet aunts, uncles and cousins he has never laid eyes on! God has His hands on them and He will make sure they are cared for and blessed! I have to focus on that and most importantly: I have to show that side of this trip to them...I need to help them get excited about it.
I haven't done a great job of that over the past five days and shame on me for that! My kids need the momma they have come to count on for finding the positive when no one else can; the momma who makes anything, even chores, fun; they need their momma to be their ray of sunshine in their uncertainty over the upcoming journey they are about to embark upon.
I can do this - I have found the positive in being unemployed, in a house foreclosure, I can certainly tackle this with sunshine, rainbows and butterflies! However, I can only do this because God is my strength. I know He is here with all three of us and even while we'll be half a country away from each other He will keep us in each others' hearts, thoughts and prayers.
Prayers...please keep my kids in yours. Pray with me that they will have so much fun and such an adventure this summer that they won't miss me even for a minute. Pray for their safety and comfort. But most of all, pray they will begin to rebuild the broken relationships in their lives so they can face the future with all their loved ones securely in their corner.
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Sunday, June 2, 2013
Friday, May 31, 2013
Addictions We Can't Escape
I was reading through some tweets during the NASCAR Truck race tonight and thinking to myself how much I agreed. There were several people stating they were tired of seeing a particular Cup racer compete and dominate so many Truck and NNS events. I feel like I can see multiple sides to it...
There are the people who say they're going to stop watching NASCAR all together, or certain series within it because they are fed up with the same old boring winner week in and week out. I've been there, I said I was done watching Cup myself if Jimmie didn't stop winning Championships! (Thank you Stewart & Kesolowski and sorry Laura!) The more drivers who are competitive, the more unpredictable each race is...the more unpredictable each race is the more people want to watch to see what's going to happen, right?
A handful of people just complain. They don't offer a solution, they don't say they're going to change their actions...they just moan and whine and see who else will join in. I'm not a fan of this. If you don't like something it is up to you to help find a solution or to walk away - don't just sit and sulk. Life is way too short to spend valuable moments doing something or watching something you don't love. Period.
I understand the logistics that tell me that those Cup drivers, while annoying as all get out when they win week in and week out in the Truck (and NNS) series, are bringing in sponsors, fans and advertisers. I get it. In the spirit of not being the person who complains without offering solutions I am going to hop up on my soapbox and use my blog for what it's meant: a place for me to share MY opinions...if you're easily offended you should probably proceed with caution because I honestly have no idea how abrasive this is going to get.
Shame on the fans. Shame on those who won't go see a Truck race because they have no idea who any of the drivers are. Shame on those who won't go see a Truck race unless there's a big name driver like Kyle Busch or Kevin Harvick or Brad Kesolowski wheeling around the track. Where do you think these drivers made a name for themselves? There would be no Cup level talent without the skill building series like Trucks, and while we're at it, K&N, ARCA, NNS, Whelen and so on down the line. Wouldn't it be amazing to watch a driver work his way up the ranks and be able to say you cheered for him/her before he/she made it to the big time?
Shame on the tracks. You want to really pack the seats for your lower series events? Lower your ticket rates! Ignore what the mainstream, ignorant media are saying about the recession being over or getting better! There are still thousands of people (like me!) losing their houses, struggling to find work that will provide for their families, pinching pennies just to feed their families that simply cannot afford to attend as many races as they want to. Try it for a season or two and if it doesn't increase attendance then you go back to the drawing board. But, don't just drop prices a few dollars, slash them! A family of four cannot afford $35 a ticket when they are barely making ends meet. Can you imagine a Truck race having more fans in the stands than a Cup event? With the right marketing program and slashed prices it could and would happen!
Shame on NASCAR. You have created a developmental series that could bring in amazing talent that one day will have sponsors drooling over the possibility of special paint schemes and incredible ad campaigns but you fail to highlight and advertise these young drivers and their talent to the full potential that you could. You are a very influential organization that has the power to promote the Truck (and other lower) series in a way that would get more fans excited to watch... Instead, because it's easy and it's "working" you allow Cup drivers to dominate races that are supposed to be set aside for drivers who are learning and growing and trying like hell to make a name for themselves. Guess what...it's not really working...fans are disgusted, attendance sucks and the people who want to cheer for up and coming drivers like Kyle Larson and Bubba Wallace are turning off their TVs and heading to local tracks for non-NASCAR events.
Shame on sponsors for having no vision. Imagine finding the next Jimmie Johnson or Kyle Busch (with less attitude maybe?) and getting in with them before they became so popular that everyone wants a piece of them? Imagine being the one company that took a chance and propelled a superstar to multiple championships? Wouldn't that be a branding and legacy phenomenon that not only gains long term ROI but creates a reputation for excellence? Why aren't more of you jumping at the chance to tap into a sport that has more fans than any other?
If I haven't lost you yet then let me challenge you this: if you don't already have a favorite driver in the Truck series, go get one! Read up on who's out there, pick a favorite or two and then for the rest of 2013 cheer for no one else! If you're a Kyle Busch fan and he runs a truck too bad, stick to your guns! Love Brad Kesolowski? Better save it for Sunday because on Truck day you are hereby DARED...no double...wait, TRIPLE DOG DARED to ONLY cheer for a NCWTS Driver. What are you waiting for? Get to it!
*Hops off soapbox* For now...
There are the people who say they're going to stop watching NASCAR all together, or certain series within it because they are fed up with the same old boring winner week in and week out. I've been there, I said I was done watching Cup myself if Jimmie didn't stop winning Championships! (Thank you Stewart & Kesolowski and sorry Laura!) The more drivers who are competitive, the more unpredictable each race is...the more unpredictable each race is the more people want to watch to see what's going to happen, right?
A handful of people just complain. They don't offer a solution, they don't say they're going to change their actions...they just moan and whine and see who else will join in. I'm not a fan of this. If you don't like something it is up to you to help find a solution or to walk away - don't just sit and sulk. Life is way too short to spend valuable moments doing something or watching something you don't love. Period.
I understand the logistics that tell me that those Cup drivers, while annoying as all get out when they win week in and week out in the Truck (and NNS) series, are bringing in sponsors, fans and advertisers. I get it. In the spirit of not being the person who complains without offering solutions I am going to hop up on my soapbox and use my blog for what it's meant: a place for me to share MY opinions...if you're easily offended you should probably proceed with caution because I honestly have no idea how abrasive this is going to get.
Shame on the fans. Shame on those who won't go see a Truck race because they have no idea who any of the drivers are. Shame on those who won't go see a Truck race unless there's a big name driver like Kyle Busch or Kevin Harvick or Brad Kesolowski wheeling around the track. Where do you think these drivers made a name for themselves? There would be no Cup level talent without the skill building series like Trucks, and while we're at it, K&N, ARCA, NNS, Whelen and so on down the line. Wouldn't it be amazing to watch a driver work his way up the ranks and be able to say you cheered for him/her before he/she made it to the big time?
Shame on the tracks. You want to really pack the seats for your lower series events? Lower your ticket rates! Ignore what the mainstream, ignorant media are saying about the recession being over or getting better! There are still thousands of people (like me!) losing their houses, struggling to find work that will provide for their families, pinching pennies just to feed their families that simply cannot afford to attend as many races as they want to. Try it for a season or two and if it doesn't increase attendance then you go back to the drawing board. But, don't just drop prices a few dollars, slash them! A family of four cannot afford $35 a ticket when they are barely making ends meet. Can you imagine a Truck race having more fans in the stands than a Cup event? With the right marketing program and slashed prices it could and would happen!
Shame on NASCAR. You have created a developmental series that could bring in amazing talent that one day will have sponsors drooling over the possibility of special paint schemes and incredible ad campaigns but you fail to highlight and advertise these young drivers and their talent to the full potential that you could. You are a very influential organization that has the power to promote the Truck (and other lower) series in a way that would get more fans excited to watch... Instead, because it's easy and it's "working" you allow Cup drivers to dominate races that are supposed to be set aside for drivers who are learning and growing and trying like hell to make a name for themselves. Guess what...it's not really working...fans are disgusted, attendance sucks and the people who want to cheer for up and coming drivers like Kyle Larson and Bubba Wallace are turning off their TVs and heading to local tracks for non-NASCAR events.
Shame on sponsors for having no vision. Imagine finding the next Jimmie Johnson or Kyle Busch (with less attitude maybe?) and getting in with them before they became so popular that everyone wants a piece of them? Imagine being the one company that took a chance and propelled a superstar to multiple championships? Wouldn't that be a branding and legacy phenomenon that not only gains long term ROI but creates a reputation for excellence? Why aren't more of you jumping at the chance to tap into a sport that has more fans than any other?
If I haven't lost you yet then let me challenge you this: if you don't already have a favorite driver in the Truck series, go get one! Read up on who's out there, pick a favorite or two and then for the rest of 2013 cheer for no one else! If you're a Kyle Busch fan and he runs a truck too bad, stick to your guns! Love Brad Kesolowski? Better save it for Sunday because on Truck day you are hereby DARED...no double...wait, TRIPLE DOG DARED to ONLY cheer for a NCWTS Driver. What are you waiting for? Get to it!
*Hops off soapbox* For now...
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
A Time To Mourn
It's crunch time. I have no business 'wasting' time on the computer and yet when the inspiration to writes hits me I will lose it if I don't run with it. I've tried notebooks, there has been a time or two that I have been able to salvage a thought from scribbles jotted down but usually my luck is that I get hit with an idea while I am driving and there is no where to pull over. So today...I write.
In three weeks' time I am simultaneously losing my house to auction (unless they accept this short sale by some miracle!). Before you ask, I am still looking for a job, applying new places daily and no, I have no idea where the kids and I will be living. I am clinging to God's promises that He will provide all our needs. Oh, so if that's not enough, the same day they auction the house I have to sit across from my estranged husband for the first time since he left back in the middle of December.
My ex. That is how I refer to him because there is no more us. The only thing standing between that being a legal term and the awkward place we are now is a law in the great state of North Carolina that requires we wait. A year. One year. I was packing up some trinkets in my dining room today, Precious Moments to be exact, and came across a figurine that my ex gave me on our first anniversary. The first thought I had was sell it on eBay, make some money. Too much hassle with the busy few weeks I have ahead of me. Maybe I could dump it on Listia, gain some credits towards that video camera I want. Again, I don't really have time to auction anything at the moment.
I thought back to a conversation I had with a very wise man who told me that I had to remember to give myself time to mourn my marriage. The same you do when you lose a person who is close to you because in essence my marriage is dead. I have struggled with this, on several levels. Here's the biggest one: I have been extremely blessed so far in my life, I have never mourned anyone that I was so close to that I needed the true grieving process. So I don't know how to grieve. I don't know how to let things go to the point that I can look back and smile about the good times without being sad that they are over.
So as I stood in my dining room, alone in the house because my youngest is playing out back with our furbaby, tempted to smash it into a million pieces, I stopped to remember the road of grief. I thought to myself that if this had been a gift from a loved one who had died would I really throw it away? No. I would save it to remember the happy times we had. I am moving forward, one step, one breath at a time by saving this...right? Time will tell, but I think the momentos, the pictures, the trinkets; they are all linked to happier times and someday I will look back on them and smile at the journey that made me who I am today. A stronger, smarter woman.
So I will find my way, my way to mourn what I have lost and I will learn to let go, truly and completely. I owe that to myself. I owe that to my kids, to be able to show them that is it alright to be sad for a moment...but then show them that we pick up the pieces and move forward. We cherish the happy memories and we let go of the rest. We will survive together and we will ultimately have a kinder, gentler understanding of those around us going through hard times because we have walked through our own fire and came out heads held high, smiles on our faces and tears erased from our eyes.
In three weeks' time I am simultaneously losing my house to auction (unless they accept this short sale by some miracle!). Before you ask, I am still looking for a job, applying new places daily and no, I have no idea where the kids and I will be living. I am clinging to God's promises that He will provide all our needs. Oh, so if that's not enough, the same day they auction the house I have to sit across from my estranged husband for the first time since he left back in the middle of December.
My ex. That is how I refer to him because there is no more us. The only thing standing between that being a legal term and the awkward place we are now is a law in the great state of North Carolina that requires we wait. A year. One year. I was packing up some trinkets in my dining room today, Precious Moments to be exact, and came across a figurine that my ex gave me on our first anniversary. The first thought I had was sell it on eBay, make some money. Too much hassle with the busy few weeks I have ahead of me. Maybe I could dump it on Listia, gain some credits towards that video camera I want. Again, I don't really have time to auction anything at the moment.
I thought back to a conversation I had with a very wise man who told me that I had to remember to give myself time to mourn my marriage. The same you do when you lose a person who is close to you because in essence my marriage is dead. I have struggled with this, on several levels. Here's the biggest one: I have been extremely blessed so far in my life, I have never mourned anyone that I was so close to that I needed the true grieving process. So I don't know how to grieve. I don't know how to let things go to the point that I can look back and smile about the good times without being sad that they are over.
So as I stood in my dining room, alone in the house because my youngest is playing out back with our furbaby, tempted to smash it into a million pieces, I stopped to remember the road of grief. I thought to myself that if this had been a gift from a loved one who had died would I really throw it away? No. I would save it to remember the happy times we had. I am moving forward, one step, one breath at a time by saving this...right? Time will tell, but I think the momentos, the pictures, the trinkets; they are all linked to happier times and someday I will look back on them and smile at the journey that made me who I am today. A stronger, smarter woman.
So I will find my way, my way to mourn what I have lost and I will learn to let go, truly and completely. I owe that to myself. I owe that to my kids, to be able to show them that is it alright to be sad for a moment...but then show them that we pick up the pieces and move forward. We cherish the happy memories and we let go of the rest. We will survive together and we will ultimately have a kinder, gentler understanding of those around us going through hard times because we have walked through our own fire and came out heads held high, smiles on our faces and tears erased from our eyes.
Friday, April 26, 2013
It's NOT A Diet (And YES You Can Too)
I never thought of myself as a runner. I never understood why people would say they actually enjoyed it! Some of you reading this are nodding your heads and thinking, "She's right, they're crazy!" Call me crazy because I am loving the amazing 'high' I get from, yes, running. It's more than that though, it is almost like a badge, to be able to call myself a runner. A badge along my journey...
Some of you reading this know that I have been on a journey for a little over a year. Not a weight loss journey, although I have gone from a size 18/20 to a 7/8 (believe it or not I still have thirty pounds to go!), but I have called it my Healthier Me Journey. I have had people ask me what diet I used to lose weight. None. I don't do diets, and you shouldn't either. Diets are fads, they don't last. We often talk about wanting to lose weight (I just said 30 lbs to go!) however what we really need to focus on is our health.
I'm no doctor, nutritionist or fitness expert, I'm not going to lecture on what you should or shouldn't do. If you have questions about the specific changes I have made in my life please let me know, but today I want to talk about challenges and successes. The challenge we all face when wanting to make a change is habit. We have to break our habit and keep consistency and momentum built long enough to create new habits. I've heard conflicting talk about how long that is exactly however I would say a month is a good benchmark.
Everyone reading this has different challenges, I will tell you about a few of mine...
At 26 years old, eight years ago, I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis in my thoracic spine, in laymen's terms I guess you could say the center of my spine is deteriorating. There are days (fewer now that I have stayed active and yes, lost weight) when I cannot move because the pain consumes my back and any movement of any part of my body. I spend those days lying flat, with a heating pad and plenty of ibuprofen. If I can alleviate the pain enough to move than I push myself to do so, carefully. This can cause a huge break in momentum however I know the healthier I can get my body, the longer I will go between episodes, at least in the near future.
Earlier this year I was diagnosed with asthma. It's quite difficult to run when you can't get oxygen into your lungs! I have trouble breathing in temperatures below forty degrees in general, if it's below fifty I can't get in a run outdoors. Last year I was training for a 5K run that I completed in the beginning of December, this air temperature challenge was frustrating but I ran up and down my hallway and in circles around my room a few times, simply to help build my lung capacity. Yes, I have heard of a treadmill, no I do not have access to one. Shocking, I know.
One of my biggest challenges wasn't health related at all, and truth be told, I still struggle with this one: I have a massive love affair with...junk food. I have learned that it doesn't impede my progress too much if I remember that when I indulge I have to keep it in moderation. I also need to remove the word "can't" from my vocabulary. If I tell myself I can't have something it is only going to make me want it more. Yes I know that's a teenagers mentality but it still works on most adults, tell us we can't and we shall show you that we can.
So yes, running is a badge, it's my personal trophy that reminds me how far I have come. I haven't just lost forty-five pounds and a bunch of inches, I've gotten in better physical shape...I've become a healthier me. I'm still a work in progress though! Now, I'm not saying I want to be a size 0, or that anyone should strive for that. I am not saying that anyone can become a runner, there are some challenges that need a work around and others that need a different healthy plan. What I am trying to say is that with determination and perseverance, anyone can create new habits.
This can be applied to things other than a healthier you! I'm talking about all changes in general here. Yet, you have to want the changes. Not because someone else thinks you need them. Not because you want to impress this or that person. Not even because you think it's the right thing to do. It has to be a want, a passion, a deep down desire for change that makes you fight for the chance to break the chains of being set in your ways. I didn't go on a diet, I changed my life...and yes...you can change yours too!
Some of you reading this know that I have been on a journey for a little over a year. Not a weight loss journey, although I have gone from a size 18/20 to a 7/8 (believe it or not I still have thirty pounds to go!), but I have called it my Healthier Me Journey. I have had people ask me what diet I used to lose weight. None. I don't do diets, and you shouldn't either. Diets are fads, they don't last. We often talk about wanting to lose weight (I just said 30 lbs to go!) however what we really need to focus on is our health.
I'm no doctor, nutritionist or fitness expert, I'm not going to lecture on what you should or shouldn't do. If you have questions about the specific changes I have made in my life please let me know, but today I want to talk about challenges and successes. The challenge we all face when wanting to make a change is habit. We have to break our habit and keep consistency and momentum built long enough to create new habits. I've heard conflicting talk about how long that is exactly however I would say a month is a good benchmark.
Everyone reading this has different challenges, I will tell you about a few of mine...
At 26 years old, eight years ago, I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis in my thoracic spine, in laymen's terms I guess you could say the center of my spine is deteriorating. There are days (fewer now that I have stayed active and yes, lost weight) when I cannot move because the pain consumes my back and any movement of any part of my body. I spend those days lying flat, with a heating pad and plenty of ibuprofen. If I can alleviate the pain enough to move than I push myself to do so, carefully. This can cause a huge break in momentum however I know the healthier I can get my body, the longer I will go between episodes, at least in the near future.
Earlier this year I was diagnosed with asthma. It's quite difficult to run when you can't get oxygen into your lungs! I have trouble breathing in temperatures below forty degrees in general, if it's below fifty I can't get in a run outdoors. Last year I was training for a 5K run that I completed in the beginning of December, this air temperature challenge was frustrating but I ran up and down my hallway and in circles around my room a few times, simply to help build my lung capacity. Yes, I have heard of a treadmill, no I do not have access to one. Shocking, I know.
One of my biggest challenges wasn't health related at all, and truth be told, I still struggle with this one: I have a massive love affair with...junk food. I have learned that it doesn't impede my progress too much if I remember that when I indulge I have to keep it in moderation. I also need to remove the word "can't" from my vocabulary. If I tell myself I can't have something it is only going to make me want it more. Yes I know that's a teenagers mentality but it still works on most adults, tell us we can't and we shall show you that we can.
So yes, running is a badge, it's my personal trophy that reminds me how far I have come. I haven't just lost forty-five pounds and a bunch of inches, I've gotten in better physical shape...I've become a healthier me. I'm still a work in progress though! Now, I'm not saying I want to be a size 0, or that anyone should strive for that. I am not saying that anyone can become a runner, there are some challenges that need a work around and others that need a different healthy plan. What I am trying to say is that with determination and perseverance, anyone can create new habits.
This can be applied to things other than a healthier you! I'm talking about all changes in general here. Yet, you have to want the changes. Not because someone else thinks you need them. Not because you want to impress this or that person. Not even because you think it's the right thing to do. It has to be a want, a passion, a deep down desire for change that makes you fight for the chance to break the chains of being set in your ways. I didn't go on a diet, I changed my life...and yes...you can change yours too!
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Who Shall I Be?
Fourteen years ago today I married a man I was sure I would grow old with. Seven months ago that dream of a starry eyed girl came to a crashing halt. If you've been following my blog, you already know my story. You know that as a result of where I've been I am now on a journey to find me.
Most people don't like change. Change scares the daylights out of them. I'm not most people. I enjoy change. I thrive on it, yearn for it, relish in it every moment of the adventure. We are ever changing, growing creatures, we were designed that way, we should celebrate it, not fear it.
I would be lying if I said I didn't care what anyone else thinks about me, my journey, how I have and am changing. I am human. There is a part of me that will always long for acceptance and pride. I want to make my grandparents proud. I want my parents to speak of me with a gleam in their eye. I want to make those I love most in my life proud of me, I do, it's a part of me I struggle with daily.
Struggle? Yes, struggle. Here's why......at what point am I living for them instead of for God and for me? Where is the meaning in their pride if I am not being true to myself? I can't be anyone but me, right? So how can I live my life with no regrets if I am living it for other people? Simple: I can't. At the end of the day, I need to be able to face myself in the mirror and my Maker on my knees. Plain and simple. No one else's opinion matters. What's best for them isn't what's best for me in so many cases.
I have to be comfortable in my own skin. I need to have confidence in my choices, each and every moment I am breathing. If I'm not being true to myself than I'm not giving anyone anything to be truly proud of because anything other than the real me is just a facade. It's a mirage and everyone around me thinks they're drinking water when it's actually sand, grainy and unsubstantial.
More importantly, the only way I can teach my children that it is best to be themselves, even if they're different, is by living the example they should follow. Showing them that it's not only okay to be themselves, that it's something they should take pride in, no matter who they are. Society is so obsessed with fitting in, I want my kids to know it's OK to dare to be different!! If people don't understand you, don't accept you, that is their loss, not yours. If I can't instill that lesson in my own kids because of my own insecurities or misguided efforts to be what other people think I should be than that is the greatest injustice of all.
Be yourself. Be true, be real, be honest and kinder than necessary. But don't be a doormat. Live in love, that includes love for yourself.
Most people don't like change. Change scares the daylights out of them. I'm not most people. I enjoy change. I thrive on it, yearn for it, relish in it every moment of the adventure. We are ever changing, growing creatures, we were designed that way, we should celebrate it, not fear it.
I would be lying if I said I didn't care what anyone else thinks about me, my journey, how I have and am changing. I am human. There is a part of me that will always long for acceptance and pride. I want to make my grandparents proud. I want my parents to speak of me with a gleam in their eye. I want to make those I love most in my life proud of me, I do, it's a part of me I struggle with daily.
Struggle? Yes, struggle. Here's why......at what point am I living for them instead of for God and for me? Where is the meaning in their pride if I am not being true to myself? I can't be anyone but me, right? So how can I live my life with no regrets if I am living it for other people? Simple: I can't. At the end of the day, I need to be able to face myself in the mirror and my Maker on my knees. Plain and simple. No one else's opinion matters. What's best for them isn't what's best for me in so many cases.
I have to be comfortable in my own skin. I need to have confidence in my choices, each and every moment I am breathing. If I'm not being true to myself than I'm not giving anyone anything to be truly proud of because anything other than the real me is just a facade. It's a mirage and everyone around me thinks they're drinking water when it's actually sand, grainy and unsubstantial.
More importantly, the only way I can teach my children that it is best to be themselves, even if they're different, is by living the example they should follow. Showing them that it's not only okay to be themselves, that it's something they should take pride in, no matter who they are. Society is so obsessed with fitting in, I want my kids to know it's OK to dare to be different!! If people don't understand you, don't accept you, that is their loss, not yours. If I can't instill that lesson in my own kids because of my own insecurities or misguided efforts to be what other people think I should be than that is the greatest injustice of all.
Be yourself. Be true, be real, be honest and kinder than necessary. But don't be a doormat. Live in love, that includes love for yourself.
Friday, April 12, 2013
The Drive To Make Your Dreams Come True
Dreams. We all have them, right? Sometimes we share dreams with other people, we have similar or seemingly the same dream. But I believe even if we have the same goal, our dream is unique...because it's ours. When we close our eyes, we see ourselves there, in that moment, the one where we've made dream a reality. Go ahead, close your eyes a moment...we'll wait....
Did you see it? Did you picture yourself living your dream? Hang onto that! We need dreams to keep hope alive in our life. We need them so we have something to work towards, to look forward to, to give us a light at the end of the tunnel. Dreams are a part of who we are and who we want to become all at the same time.
I have been watching several friends going hard after their dreams. It's inspiring. It's motivating. It is heartwarming and heartbreaking all at once. Heartbreaking when you watch them go through setbacks but heartwarming to watch them plunge forward with renewed determination time and again. Dreams of a college degree, of getting physically fit, dreams of finding love, of working on pit road or of getting behind the wheel and racing at speeds that would scare the average person. Whether the dreams seem big or small to the outside world, they are the world to those who hold them in their heart and soul.
For instance, my friend who's working towards a dream of a college degree...imagine the determination it takes to take on school as a single parent of two active children all while working two jobs and trying to find time to make life for their family and friends in the process. Don't tell me that isn't a big deal, don't tell me it's just college...it's an incredible journey that teaches you what you're made of. I can't begin to say how proud I am of this friend!
I could break down each one, I'm tempted to...my friends who are working on their fitness dreams are all in different walks of life and would be able to easily say, "I'm just too busy" but instead they are fighting their overbooked schedules to get to the gym, to put in that effort every single day. I am honored and inspired by them daily and could not be prouder of not only how far they've come but also of their reaction to setbacks and wane in motivation!
Finding love, that's another that I have seen several friends who are dreaming of...as a glimmer of hope my heart is bursting with love and joy for a friend who recently found the love of their life and is now planning the rest of their lives together. Fairy tales can give us a false sense of what love should be and how it should happen...it's so much better to watch this dream in reality and see people overcome when the odds are against us.
The last two examples I may know several people who have these dreams but for each one I have a specific friend in mind. They have some similarities and some differences. Their dreams are related yet unique. I haven't done much in the way of interviewing for print however I am tempted to ask each of them to do an interview for some follow up blogs...since I didn't ask them ahead of time I won't call anyone out by name here. If you're a mutual friend and know exactly who I am thinking of please do not call them out in comments or shares. As a friend, a bystander who has been able to watch a small part of each of these individuals journeys, I am proud of their passion, conviction and courage.
What stands out to some may in fact be brushed aside by others. I think part of the difference between people who say, "I wish I could go after my dream," and those who say, "I am going after my dream," is that the latter are not concerned with what others think. That is not to say they are not caring people, in fact, every single person that came to mind while I was writing this today is the kind of person who would give you the shirt off of his/her back if you were in need. I mean to say that they are not letting naysayers come between them and what they know is the one thing that is most important to achieve in their lives at this moment.
One last thought on dreams...they can change. We need to recognize when they do because then when we let go of that dream it's not failure, it's not giving up...it's moving on. We change constantly, so it's understandable that our dreams do as well. How do we know if we're changing or if we're giving up? I think there's a simple test...if you wake up every morning with your dream on your mind, contemplating how you can move towards it today, analyzing over breakfast what's working, breaking down during lunch what other paths may take you there, looking forward through supper to the days when positive progress is made and the last thought as you drift off to sleep is a picture of you living your dream then you need to keep pushing. If it fades to the back of your mind, some days doesn't even cross your conscience thoughts and/or you go more than a day without spending time on picturing it than it may be time to move on.
Remember this: dreams are important! If you come to a time when you need to move on from your dream then be sure you know what your new dream is. Take the time, for you, to search your soul and find that deepest, inner passion for whatever it is and then put everything you have into making it become a reality! Also keep in mind, when you achieve your dream, after you take it in and let yourself celebrate the victory, don't forget to set your next goal...to dream your next dream. Life is too short to stand on the sidelines, to just go through the motions, find your dream and go claim it!
Did you see it? Did you picture yourself living your dream? Hang onto that! We need dreams to keep hope alive in our life. We need them so we have something to work towards, to look forward to, to give us a light at the end of the tunnel. Dreams are a part of who we are and who we want to become all at the same time.
I have been watching several friends going hard after their dreams. It's inspiring. It's motivating. It is heartwarming and heartbreaking all at once. Heartbreaking when you watch them go through setbacks but heartwarming to watch them plunge forward with renewed determination time and again. Dreams of a college degree, of getting physically fit, dreams of finding love, of working on pit road or of getting behind the wheel and racing at speeds that would scare the average person. Whether the dreams seem big or small to the outside world, they are the world to those who hold them in their heart and soul.
For instance, my friend who's working towards a dream of a college degree...imagine the determination it takes to take on school as a single parent of two active children all while working two jobs and trying to find time to make life for their family and friends in the process. Don't tell me that isn't a big deal, don't tell me it's just college...it's an incredible journey that teaches you what you're made of. I can't begin to say how proud I am of this friend!
I could break down each one, I'm tempted to...my friends who are working on their fitness dreams are all in different walks of life and would be able to easily say, "I'm just too busy" but instead they are fighting their overbooked schedules to get to the gym, to put in that effort every single day. I am honored and inspired by them daily and could not be prouder of not only how far they've come but also of their reaction to setbacks and wane in motivation!
Finding love, that's another that I have seen several friends who are dreaming of...as a glimmer of hope my heart is bursting with love and joy for a friend who recently found the love of their life and is now planning the rest of their lives together. Fairy tales can give us a false sense of what love should be and how it should happen...it's so much better to watch this dream in reality and see people overcome when the odds are against us.
The last two examples I may know several people who have these dreams but for each one I have a specific friend in mind. They have some similarities and some differences. Their dreams are related yet unique. I haven't done much in the way of interviewing for print however I am tempted to ask each of them to do an interview for some follow up blogs...since I didn't ask them ahead of time I won't call anyone out by name here. If you're a mutual friend and know exactly who I am thinking of please do not call them out in comments or shares. As a friend, a bystander who has been able to watch a small part of each of these individuals journeys, I am proud of their passion, conviction and courage.
What stands out to some may in fact be brushed aside by others. I think part of the difference between people who say, "I wish I could go after my dream," and those who say, "I am going after my dream," is that the latter are not concerned with what others think. That is not to say they are not caring people, in fact, every single person that came to mind while I was writing this today is the kind of person who would give you the shirt off of his/her back if you were in need. I mean to say that they are not letting naysayers come between them and what they know is the one thing that is most important to achieve in their lives at this moment.
One last thought on dreams...they can change. We need to recognize when they do because then when we let go of that dream it's not failure, it's not giving up...it's moving on. We change constantly, so it's understandable that our dreams do as well. How do we know if we're changing or if we're giving up? I think there's a simple test...if you wake up every morning with your dream on your mind, contemplating how you can move towards it today, analyzing over breakfast what's working, breaking down during lunch what other paths may take you there, looking forward through supper to the days when positive progress is made and the last thought as you drift off to sleep is a picture of you living your dream then you need to keep pushing. If it fades to the back of your mind, some days doesn't even cross your conscience thoughts and/or you go more than a day without spending time on picturing it than it may be time to move on.
Remember this: dreams are important! If you come to a time when you need to move on from your dream then be sure you know what your new dream is. Take the time, for you, to search your soul and find that deepest, inner passion for whatever it is and then put everything you have into making it become a reality! Also keep in mind, when you achieve your dream, after you take it in and let yourself celebrate the victory, don't forget to set your next goal...to dream your next dream. Life is too short to stand on the sidelines, to just go through the motions, find your dream and go claim it!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Taboo Topics That Hit Close To Home
I am not sure when I will publish this but if I don't write it when it's on my heart I never will.
I read something today that hit me hard, "Domestic abuse is not just physical, it includes verbal and emotional abuse." As I write this I am currently separated from my husband. He never physically assaulted me. In the latter half of our near fourteen year marriage however, I lived with increasing emotional and verbal abuse from him. I am not writing this to disparage him, as the father of my two amazing children I have every hope that he will seek help and move beyond his inner demons.
I am writing this because I never associated this type of abuse in the same category as physical violence because I have no scars that I can show others. I never had to hide in long sleeve blouses or pants. I never needed a pound of makeup to cover a black eye. I lied to myself that what I was going through was completely different. But the mental state you end up in is very much the same.
The fear that anything you say can set someone off, the feeling of shame that you cannot stand up for yourself, the pain of wanting to love and be loved yet simply receiving nothing but anger and criticism in its place. I think these and more truly do convey among all types of abuse. I wrote in my last blog about not knowing what my passions were until my recent journey...it was more than that...I didn't know myself. I still don't fully know who I am but I am closer.
I think for me the big difference is that the threat of physical violence is what woke me up. When I was in fear for my children's and my own safety, I finally saw clearly what I had been hiding from myself for years. In the days and weeks that followed, I began to see signs that I didn't know why I had ignored. I felt guilty for not removing my children from the situation sooner, for not pushing my ex harder to get help, for not seeking help myself. I wanted to crawl into a hole and not come out until everything was over. I didn't want to face my family. I barely wanted to open up to my friends who I had only told parts of my story to. I felt like a utter and complete failure.
I have been blessed with a few, select, extraordinary friends who have been my support team. They have seen me at my worst and they haven't left my side because of it. They've given me tough love when I have needed, they have listened to the same complaints time and time again, they have held my hand and gotten me through the hardest, darkest days of my adult life. If you have at least one true friend, you have the world. I have several, I am overwhelmed some days at how blessed I sincerely am.
My biggest saving grace through all of this has been my Lord. My faith and relationship with Him has been the string that gives me my last hope on the days when I don't even want to get out of the bed. I don't read my Bible enough. I have missed too many Sundays to count. But, I talk to God every single day. Most days it is an open, unending conversation from when I wake up until when I go to sleep. My friends can't be with me 24/7 but God can and He never leaves my side. Additionally, and this has been important in my journey to forgiving myself, God teaches me about redemption. "We all fall short..." Think about the powerful love God has for us...He knew we would mess it all up in the Garden of Eden. He knew sin would enter this world. He knew He would have to sacrifice His one and only Son to redeem us. Yet, He still created Adam and Eve. I cling to His love when I am finding it hard to love myself. I remind myself that if God loves me than I am worthy of love.
Worthy of love. We all are worthy of love. Does it always find us when we want it to? No. Will it come to our lives in its true and right timing? I believe it will. But we have to know who we are before we can see who anyone else around us is.
I haven't broken free of an abusive relationship on my own. I have had amazing people placed in my life who have helped me break down the walls that I didn't even realize I had built. I can't find the words to express my gratitude for helping me begin the journey to realizing who I am and what I am capable of. But I'm here, I'm a little stronger each day and I want you to know that you are able to get there too if you need.
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